This is what I think about anti-viruses. Sue me!

My thoughts on Anti virus

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So, last time I wrote an article I didn’t have anything good to say about anti-viruses and I still have not changed my tune because I attended the IP Expo Europe 2015 and although there were many events, I am in the world of cyber security so I attended as many cyber security events as I could squeeze into a day and if my mind was biased against anti-viruses, the bias-meter went further down in red. This is simply because all the cyber security leaders will agree that the fight of malware against the world has a leader and you guessed it, it ain’t the world!!!

It is a game of “catch me if you can…” and unlike the movie, Frank has clones and is a species. The scientists behind the clones and species development and growth are brilliant and quite experimental so when the cyber security teams come up with a way for capturing FrankA, FrankB is released and then Frank Jnr, the magician pulls a Houdini method that makes Frank seem like child’s play. Come to think of it, the malware world doesn’t subscribe to GRRM’s world where every man must die, instead they add a multiplication factor greater than 2 to the Hydra law,

“when one is taken down, many variants of the same show up with just a few changes like having 2 noses instead of 2 eyes”.

Which means that the biometric signature needed to capture FrankA can’t be used to capture FrankB because he has 2 noses now.

Some anti-viruses will argue that they can but where are the stats? The answer is the stats on cyber war scare me more than zombie’s do (Many funny moments with all the zombie shows on TV that I am obsessed with) and anti-viruses don’t have any TV shows to make me feel better. The walking dead apocalypse is here and it is in our computers people.

Cybercrime costs the world $7.7m per organization (Got that from Google right now btw). Being the guy standing between a bad guy and his $7.7m doesn’t seem like a lot of fun but someone has got to do it and go all gladiator (Scandal style) but in a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers with a white hat (Very important that it is white) but then to know how the bad guys do their thing, you need to know the dirty tricks so we will make it a little gray so taking that argument into account, let’s go “with a grey hat”. Although the grayer it gets, the blacker it gets and that argument is making my brain spin so let’s get back to anti-viruses. Anti-viruses could use a lot of gray hat’s help right now so if you read this and you think “This cyber war battle is a losing battle but like that Runyankole saying of the old woman and the lake (Tip. Google it- how did our parents’ get anything done without google?), I am going to put my life on the line too” You better do.

Better yet, let me appeal to the side of the Ugandan brains that thinks in dollar signs (We need to upgrade to pound signs!). The pay if you get really good is quite amazing as long as you don’t mind the brain drain it applies to our continent because I am yet to see an anti-virus company in motherland. Come to think of it, why not start one? Who is in? Just kidding, I think the madness I have gotten from the years I have spent dissecting Zeus and falling in love with a piece of malware are enough so I can’t handle knowing that each day, my life is going to be about looking at a piece of geniusness (Why is that not a word? LOL) and having to convict the beauty because it is bad for our computing systems. One word just popped into my brain “LUUUNNNCH” and so I sign off (I know what you are thinking. And no, I haven’t lost my marbles. I promise I am not mad yet!!!.) L8rs!!!

 

About the Author
Anitta Paesh Namanya
I am a student of IT and have been for the last decade with the ever growing curious mind. I have a love-hate relationship with books and computers have a love-hate relationship with me. I can program in more languages than I can speak and I always say I know a lot about technology and more about TV programming of all USA and UK shows of interest. I am up for any discussion as long as it teaches me something new but don’t be mad if I lose interest quickly because I think I suffer from undiagnosed ADHD. That is my excuse anyway.

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