Taxi Jazz: When he texts you asking for “some” !

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The other day I was in a taxi (matatu), I was reading my book, okay, trying to read. One of those academic books that you have to read on paragraph over and over before you can get what it means (why do these intellectuals need to use these fancy words to hammer in the fact they are smart. I mean, we know it already).

I could not concentrate, not with the driver stopping every few metres. On one of those stops, on jumped a young man and woman, they took the back seat just behind me. “Derrick (not real name), what’s wrong with guys?” the girl started.

Guy: what?

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Girl: Like, why are some guys so stupid?

Guy: Not all of us.

Girl: Ah! All guys are stupid!

Guy: Why, what happened?

Okay, let’s admit it, you can’t really concentrate when a conversation like that begins behind you. Not in that afternoon taxi (matatu) that keeps stopping and the conductor shouting “sista ogenda?”, “jangu tugenda” “mami yanguwa tugende”. I was apart of this conversation now.

“Yeah why?” I wanted to ask.

Girl: You know how you guys act like you care for a girl. You be calling her all the time.

Guy: But we care…

Girl: You don’t! (She shut him up) you pretend to care, calling me, asking how my night was as though you can change anything if I were to tell you it was bad!.

Guy: We do, at least me I care when I ask my girl.

‘Dude, will you shut up and let her tell the story! You sound lame already!” I wanted to tell him.

Girl: You can feed that lie to your bu stupid girls. Anyway, there is this guy who is trying to hit on me. He hasn’t really said the word but I know, we always know.

Guy: (laughs) Woah! How do you know?

Girl: We always know, you pretend to care, calling me all the time, asking how my day is, wanting to see me, we always know.

Guy: That doesn’t prove anything.

“Dude will you shut up! We don’t have all day, at least I don’t” I almost said.

Girl: Just know that we know, this guy has asked to come and see me at work, buying bu ice cream, splash…. I mean, which guy still uses splash and ice cream to bait a girl? Nga girls moved on from that long “T”. But he is a nice guy. So, I was looking for a polite way to tell him that I don’t like him. He behaves and takes like he’s from the 70s which is boring but he’s nice at the end of it all and I wanted to also be nice bambi, and tell him that I don’t like him.

“Yeah yeah, we get that he’s nice and you are nice too, will you finish the darned story, we are about to get off the darned thing!”

Girl: Nga the guy sends me a text mbu “Racheal (not real name) I love you so much, enkya ona…….”

Her voice was low now, I was literally straining to see what the text said. The book was on my lap I was pretending to read seriously but alternatively listening. Not obviously of course.

Guy: Enkya, what?

Girl: The guy was asking for “some”! Imagine in a text!.

Now she was loud, not caring that there were to elder men seated just by the conductor, the anger that started the conversation was now back in her voice.

“Imagine that! Asking for “some” in a text! With wrong spellings, both in Luganda and English.” She continued.

The guy burst into hysterical laughter, I too was trying so hard not to laugh, I lifted the book up to my face and coughed endlessly into it. “The guy didn’t even have the balls to ask me to my face, because then I could have told him and his 70s swag together with his stupid bu kooskyice cream off! What is so funny! Why are you laughing?”

The poor guy was in stitches, thankfully we were in town too, I paid my fare and got off, I could now laugh. Throughout the rest of the day, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for the poor girl and the entire female species. We sure do put up with a lot of crazy from guys that even they do agree with me on that!.


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